From Hurt to Healing

February 21st, 2016 will be a day I will always remember. We all have days that imprint into our lives. Sometimes we remember those days because they are wonderful, and sometimes we remember them because they are painful. I’m so sorry if you have painful days, and I’m so thankful you have days that you remember as beautiful! My prayer for the ones I know are hurting is that your days get easier and that God showers you with love and reminds you of the great days and the wonderful day’s coming even when you can’t feel it.

I know loss can look different to many. It can be a loss of a loved one, a loss of what was, a marriage, a friendship, a career, etc. Your loss is yours, and no one can tell how to mourn because it’s your loss, no one else’s. So process it how you need to for as long as you need to. I had many days that my knees had to hit the floor before my feet could stand. 

We had just come home from a volleyball tournament out of state, and my husband called me into our bedroom and told me to sit down. I could tell something was coming, but this was not what I thought it was. I won’t lie; a few days before, I had felt like something wasn’t right. I noticed a look between him and another that seemed to last a little too long; he had an attitude that didn’t seem right and came home a little late one night. I thought it was odd and even looked at his white shirt in the laundry (like in the movies, the lady always sees lipstick or smells perfume on the collar). No, I didn’t find either, and unlike the movies, I automatically felt guilty and cried to God that I was so sorry for doubting my husband because he had never given me a reason to be jealous or not trust him, and why would I start now. Discernment, that’s why! I believe I was given some small insight to prepare myself, but I wasn’t taking it in; because of this, I would begin to pray for discernment. I wanted to be more aware of God and the small whispers that only he can give us. I asked that he let me be aware even if it hurt, and boy did it hurt.

Discernment : (in Christian contexts) Perception in the absence of judgment to obtain spiritual guidance and understanding.

I believe God was fighting for us. He was trying to open my eyes as much as he was working on my husband. God can call us out, and we can know what we are doing is wrong, but God also allows us to have Free Will. My husband had a very clear moment to change things and redirect a choice, but he would go on to allow himself to make some very big, painful decisions that would send us into a spiral. That day in the bedroom, he began to tell me that he had been seeing someone. For a few minutes, I could tell there was a relief for him to say it out loud. Then he told me he didn’t know what he wanted to do, and I begged him to stay. I told him we could work on things, but he chose to leave. This would be the beginning of a journey that would take us to places we never thought we would be. This is where it begins. Where pain, deceit, loss, and hurt turn to grace, answered prayers, and a true understanding of what it means to be a child of God and that he never stops fighting for us.

Free Will: The ability to act at one’s own discretion. Definitions from Oxford Languages

Proverbs 16:9 ” Within your heart you can make plans for your future, but the Lord chooses the steps you take to get there.”

The Passion Translation

1 Corinthians 10:13 ” We all experience testing times, which is normal for every human being. But God will be faithful to you. He will screen and filter the severity, nature, and timing of every test or trial you face so that you can bear it. And each test is an opportunity to trust him more, for along with every trial, God has provided for you a way to escape that will bring you out of it victoriously.”

The Passion Translation